one of those moment you realised what an ass you once were. how stupid you can get. how oblivious you are abt yourself.
two things i am in disbelief abt.
(1) i recovered an onl conversation i had with an ex (declared love of my life at that pint of time) a super long sad break up conversation that i printed out that night til it was discovered by my mother. a long manifestation of my secret double life of vice has puked worms out of a huge ass can. it wrecked the trust i gained. it wrecked the self esteem i once proudly procalimed. the disbelief is my HYBERBOLIC expressions of love that got me sick to my stomach. after all these yrs, the trials and psychological distress taught me the true meaning of love and the unnecessity of turning every r/s into a romeo and juliet theatre production. i still believe that life is a stage..butwe dont have to make it into such a tragic comedy.
(2)speaking abt psychological distress, i have recently been exposed to the realisation and disbelief that i may be suffering from schizophrenia. i foot the bill like cinderella and her glass slipper. im stunned cos i has previously been very involved in a production involving volumes of research on schizophrenia, where i was one of the playwright. its painfully ironic. i refuse to believe that i hv to resort to counselling much less medication. i wanna be more faithful to the Almighty in hope this disease is taken away. i no longer want it to affect my family and my future children. i feel a sense of awakening from a recent exposure to facts on schizo and im determined not to judge yet take precautions by applying tips to reduse the effects of it.
i hv to understand my limts that i cant multi task everything so i have to slow down and study in an orderly manner as last min exams will wreck schizo sufferers". i hv to take things simply so as not to forget and feel a loss of ability. i have to organise every single thing tt i do right down to which route to take when i get off the bus. i have to calm myself down and breathe to drown out the voices in my head. i have to feel purely to avoid the evil thoughts and hallucinations. i have to trust my loved ones and what they have to say so i wont confuse real smells and sounds with the imaginary one. i must not allow myself to get confused and think so fast in order not to be agitated with my loved ones. most importantly i must be a muslim woman. and in the near future, a muslim wife. Insya Allah..it will go away and i can speed up my thoughts and life to its once glorified state.
these are what i found.............
· Thought disorder is the most profound change, since it prevents clear thinking and rational response. Thoughts may be slow to form, or come extra fast, or not at all. The person may jump from topic to topic, seem confused, or have difficulty making simple decisions. Thinking may be coloured by delusions -- false beliefs that have no logical basis. Some people also feel they are being persecuted -- convinced they are being spied on or plotted against. They may have grandiose delusions or think they are all-powerful, capable of anything, and invulnerable to danger. They may also have a strong religious drive, or believe they have a personal mission to right the wrongs of the world.
· Perceptual changes turn the world of the ill person topsy-turvy. Sensory messages to the brain from the eyes, ears, nose, skin, and taste buds become confused -- and the person may actually hear, see, smell or feel sensations that are not real. These are called hallucinations.
People with schizophrenia will often hear voices. Sometimes the voices are threatening or condemning; they may also give direct orders such as, "kill yourself". There is always a danger that such commands will be obeyed.
People who are ill may also have visual hallucinations -- a door in a wall where no door exists; a lion, a tiger, or a long-dead relative may suddenly appear. Colours, shapes, and faces may change before the person's eyes.
There may also be hypersensitivity to sounds, tastes, and smells. A ringing telephone might seem as loud as a fire alarm bell, or a loved one's voice as threatening as a barking dog. Sense of touch may also be distorted. Someone may literally "feel" their skin is crawling -- or conversely, they may feel nothing, not even pain from a real injury.
Someone who is experiencing such profound and frightening changes will often try to keep them a secret. – but I tell u not thinking its schizo.
There is often a strong need to deny what is happening, and to avoid other people and situations where the fact that one is "different" might be discovered. Intense misperceptions of reality trigger feelings of dread, panic, fear, and anxiety -- natural reactions to such terrifying experiences.
People with schizophrenia need understanding, patience, and reassurance that they will not be abandoned.
· Deterioration of personal hygiene
· Depression
· Bizarre behaviour
· Irrational statements
· Sleeping excessively or inability to sleep
· Social withdrawal, isolation, and reclusiveness
· Shift in basic personality
· Unexpected hostility
· Deterioration of social relationships
· Hyperactivity or inactivity -- or alternating between the two
· Inability to concentrate or to cope with minor problems
· Extreme preoccupation with religion or with the occult
· Excessive writing without meaning
· Indifference
· Dropping out of activities -- or out of life in general
· Decline in academic or athletic interests
· Forgetting things
· Losing possessions
· Extreme reactions to criticism
· Inability to express joy
· Inability to cry, or excessive crying
· Inappropriate laughter
· Unusual sensitivity to stimuli (noise, light, colours, textures)
· Attempts to escape through frequent moves or hitchhiking trips
· Drug or alcohol abuse
· Fainting
· Strange posturing
· Refusal to touch persons or objects; wearing gloves, etc. – dunno abt this but I keep washing my hands if I hv to touch smth excessively
· Shaving head or body hair
· Cutting oneself; threats of self-mutilation
· Staring without blinking -- or blinking incessantly
· Flat, reptile-like gaze –do I hv tt?
· Rigid stubbornness
· Peculiar use of words or odd language structures
· Sensitivity and irritability
term papers and studying for exams can't be left until the last minute
Many people with schizophrenia have high IQ's. Unless someone is experiencing symptoms of their illness, there will be nothing especially unusual about their behaviour.
person suffering from psychotic symptoms may also become involved in substance abuse, where having such symptoms in the setting of getting high is seen as normal.
1. The following may also trigger symptoms of schizophrenia:
o large amounts of nicotine and/or caffeine
o cold medications and nasal decongestants
First, they have an incurable, chronic brain disease that they must learn to live with as best they can. Next, because of their illness, they are discriminated against.
Thought disorder is a great problem for most people with schizophrenia. It generally helps to keep voice levels down. When the person is participating in discussions, try to speak one at a time, and at a reasonably moderated pace. Shorter sentences can also help. Above all, avoid arguing about delusions (false beliefs).
. Deterioration is usually observed in: Work or academic activities,Relationships with others,Personal care and hygiene
There is a loss or lack of emotion, interest and motivation. Emotions may be inappropriate -- the person may laugh in a sad situation, or cry over a joke -- or may be unable to show any emotion at all.
